I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
