If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
