You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
