Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
