When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
