apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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