Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
vagina is talking i cant
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
