Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize