hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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