You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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