We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
