dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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