I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
