you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
