You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
