i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I've blown a few things in my day
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
