I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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