i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
