"it" just moved
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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