it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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