I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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