census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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