Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
