we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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