Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
