I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
