omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
