soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
