I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
