Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
