don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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