I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just tell him i said nine months
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
