You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize