I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
