Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
