Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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