You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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