Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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