so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
