I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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