I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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