I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Randomize
