Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
