Texts From Last Night

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  (369): View more from California

  I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.

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  (369): I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes. http://tfl.nu/u7kl
  Replies (19) Good night (1075) Bad night (4733)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already

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  (914): I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already http://tfl.nu/bq9r
  Replies (19) Good night (1461) Bad night (3586)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.

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  (903): I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink. http://tfl.nu/zmqp
  Replies (13) Good night (4726) Bad night (868)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever

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  (620): She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever http://tfl.nu/3n5f
  Replies (26) Good night (5481) Bad night (1287)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  You did this to yourself.

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  (989): I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation. (1-989): You did this to yourself. http://tfl.nu/o89r
  Replies (11) Good night (1656) Bad night (710)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.

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  (509): walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her. http://tfl.nu/knz9
  Replies (9) Good night (5831) Bad night (758)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.

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  (519): I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes. http://tfl.nu/j2g5
  Replies (21) Good night (4368) Bad night (937)
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  (875): View more from

  I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.

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  (875): I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant. http://tfl.nu/vus0
  Replies (16) Good night (1045) Bad night (446)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.

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  (920): I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with. http://tfl.nu/59np
  Replies (4) Good night (815) Bad night (409)
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  (714): View more from California

  Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon

  (310): View more from California

  Fuck you.

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  (714): Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon (310): Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/u7vm
  Replies (6) Good night (2174) Bad night (580)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.

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  (+44): Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10. http://tfl.nu/gv39
  Replies (4) Good night (934) Bad night (374)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it

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  (832): Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it http://tfl.nu/qafe
  Replies (2) Good night (646) Bad night (303)
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  (707): View more from California

  Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid

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  (707): Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid http://tfl.nu/1mf7
  Replies (4) Good night (776) Bad night (302)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  did you know we used to have a pool?

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  (306): mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived (306): did you know we used to have a pool? http://tfl.nu/0ssr
  Replies (0) Good night (371) Bad night (557)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".

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  (386): When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me". http://tfl.nu/x44y
  Replies (0) Good night (720) Bad night (251)

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