All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads