you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
