i need an iv and a liver transplant
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
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Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?