So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country