he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
