Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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