dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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