Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
