Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
