we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
