every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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