Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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