help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
