I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just gift wrapped bread.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
