And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
