Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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