I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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