yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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