I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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