i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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