I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
