Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize