Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
