I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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