I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
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I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
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Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT