fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.