Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch