i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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