She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
