Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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