your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
